Married... with Epilepsy: Mark & Malorie - Part One

By: Mark

Introduce yourself and tell us about Malorie!

My name is Mark Lopez. I am currently serving in the United States Navy. I have been in the Navy the past 6 years and have lived in Va Beach, VA and currently in Pcola, FL. I have spent more than 2 years of my life floating out at sea completing 3 deployments on board the USS Dwight D. Eisenhower aircraft carrier.

Deployments are hard but I love doing what I do. My first deployment on 06’-07’ was the best. My second deployment in 08’-09' was pretty hard! I had met the woman of my dreams a couple months before, and little did we know she was pregnant! So I did the most responsible thing I could think of and I married her. 

My son, Jacob, was born right in the middle of that deployment and unfortunately I wasn't able to be there for my wife during that time. Finally, when my son was already about 4 months old, I was able to see him and my wife, but I had been told that I would have to make another deployment soon. My third and final deployment was at the end of 09'-10' and that was my hardest one! Having to leave my family was one of hardest things I have ever done, but we survived.

 

I am 24 years old now, and I am married to a wonderful woman named Malorie Lopez. My wife is one of the millions of people fighting the good fight with Epilepsy. My life has been full of ups and downs - Having to deal with being in the military and trying to raise a family at the same time. 

No matter what happens she has always been there for me and I am so grateful for every day that God blesses me with her and my son. My wife Malorie has Tonic Clonic seizures and it’s something very hard to deal with… But I think I handle it very well, if I say so myself.  As most of you know, those are the worst types of seizures anyone has to deal with. 

Malorie is just something else! Having to deal with her seizures and then dealing with me and raising a son is something not a lot of people could do, yet she does it with flying colors! I LOVE HER so much. She and Jacob mean the entire world to me. I would do anything to make things easier for them and try to have the life that they both deserve.  

How long have you and Malorie been together?

Well we have known each other for some time. Since high school, but we didn't really talk too much back then. We really started dating about 4 years ago, and then we got married on December 28^th of 2008.

When did Malorie tell you she had Epilepsy, and how did you react? 

She had told me immediately when we first started dating. I remember she was so nervous telling me over the phone and I could hear her mom behind her, telling her to tell me. I wasn’t stunned or anything. I really felt that her having Epilepsy isn’t something for me to judge her on. It was rough in the beginning as I wasn’t as knowledgeable as I am now with how her medicine works or what trigger she had. 

I hadn’t even seen her have a seizure until the day after our wedding. I really didn’t know how to react to it. I was driving down the street with her in the car and then she suddenly started to moan and I didn’t know what was going on – Remembering what her family had told me, I just tried to stay cool. I laid her down and just waited for her to come out of it. I will never forget that day because all the other times before that I was never there to witness a seizure. 

Did your thoughts about her Epilepsy change over time?

Oh yes, my thoughts have definitely changed over time. I know I wanted to be with Malorie for the rest of my life… Especially when we found out that we were going to have the baby. So I got more informed about Epilepsy. I started going with her to her doctor’s appointments and researching anything I could for information about what she has to deal with; If there was a cure, if there is something I could do, etc. I remember even trying to get her a seizure dog, but then found out how much they cost… That kind of got me off that idea lol.  

Tell us about a time Malorie had a seizure.

I have seen her go through many seizures. Malorie has Tonic Clonic seizures and they are pretty bad. Every time I see them I just try to keep my cool and try to keep her as comfortable as possible, that way, when she comes out of it she can just lay down and sleep it off. What worries me the most is that while I am at work, she is home alone with our son and I’m always scared that one day she will have a seizure. While I’m gone there really isn’t anyone around that I can call to go check up on her since we are in Florida right now.

Are there any special precautions you have to take with Malorie in case she was to have a seizure? What do you do in the instance of a seizure?

Of course there are precautions. I just make sure she is as comfortable as possible and make sure if she is on her feet that I catch her before she falls. During a seizure, I just lay her down on her side and wait it out. I also watch in case she has another right after.

Does Malorie's Epilepsy ever make you worry? 

My biggest worry about Malorie is that she would have a seizure when I am not there to catch her to take care of her. Example: I’m at work and she is home alone with Jacob, our son, and then all of a sudden she has a seizure and I won’t find out until I either come home from work or for lunch. It worries the heck out of me each and every day!

What is it like being married to someone who has Epilepsy?

It’s no different from dating or being married to anyone else. Malorie is as normal as any other person out there. She may have epilepsy, but that doesn’t mean she can’t go out, have fun, or love just like anyone else.

What are your dislikes about the effects Epilepsy has on her?

I think the biggest thing is her memory. We will both get into it sometimes about stuff she does, and she just doesn’t remember. It’s mostly about the little stuff, but it bugs me a lot.

If any, are there ways that Epilepsy has benefited Malorie, or made her unique?

She is already a unique person, whether she has epilepsy or not!!!

Has anyone ever discriminated you for being with someone who suffers from Epilepsy?

No, I haven’t heard anything - And if they do, they are doing a good job of not letting me hear it… Because I would defend my wife to the fullest!

How do you feel about someone cracking jokes about Malorie's Epilepsy?

I’m not at all okay with the seizure jokes. I mean, Malorie and I will both hear it, and try to laugh it off sometimes. But I know it hurts her feelings, so we both agree that if we hear a seizure joke to immediately just stop watching/listening to whoever is talking. I have never heard anyone joke about her having seizures - just seizures in general. I would be extremely upset if I did.

What do you feel that you and Malorie have to do differently because of her Epilepsy? 

Well we do a lot of stuff different. I mean it’s the smallest of things, though. Like normally we would wait to go to the movies to make sure the movies don’t have a lot of flashing. We have to watch out with what we watch on TV as well - Like American Idol. As much as I know she loves that show, as does everyone in the world! Lol. There are a lot of flashing lights in that show, just as there is for Dancing with the Stars. 

Is Malorie ever upset about having Epilepsy?

From time to time she expresses that she is upset. Yeah, its tough having epilepsy - But she turns around and looks at me, thanks me for everything I do for her, and that with me around it isn’t so bad.

Do you ever wish that Malorie didn’t have Epilepsy? Why?

Of course I do! I don’t hold it against her or anything, but I think life would be a lot easier for her if she didn’t have epilepsy. But God has a reason for everything.

If you were given the magical powers to take her Epilepsy away, would you? Why or why not?

Of course I would. I know it would be a big thing for her to be free of seizures… Not having to worry about what she is doing, not worrying about if she could drink, or anything like that.

What would you say that the biggest struggle is with loving someone who has Epilepsy?

For me, it was seeing a seizure for the first time. It wasn’t anything small - It was a BIG seizure, and it was something that I had to deal with.

If you could give advice to other couples like yourself, what would that advice be?

Patience and Understanding!!! Those are the keys. Shoot! Those are the keys in any relationship! There will always be ups and downs with having to love someone who deals with Epilepsy, but if you practice those two things, you will both get by just fine.

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