Nevermind, Brain Surgery is Tomorrow

So, everyone... I must have jinxed myself because my surgery got moved to tomorrow instead of Thursday. A spot opened up and my doctor wants my surgery done as soon as possible. Not super excited, but I suppose it's better to get it done as soon as possible.

Here's some photos from the hospital blood prepping today! Don't I look so excited about the date change?

By the way, that's my hair in my face lol...

Anyway, this is probably my last blog. I'll try to write more tonight if I have time, but after that my family will be posting! Love you all, God bless and stay brave!

EpilepsyBlogger

P.S. Jesse from University Hospital at the San Antonio Medical Center ROCKS! This is how we do it, Jesse ;) Stay cool!

Community Care Package - Day 9 WEGO National Health Blog Month

Day 9 Nov. 9th WEGO National Health Blog Month
Prompt: Commnity Care Package
 

My prompt is "Community Care Package. Create the perfect care package for your members or fellow patients." I think I just smiled inside because, after all, care packages are my specialty! Just check out my "Hospital Care Packages" page! I've already lived this blog!

A lot of people have (surprisingly) asked me "Mandy, what made you want to make care packages?" and "Mandy, how did you know what to put in the baskets?" I honestly thought it was just a common sense thing. After all, I make them for the Neurology floor at my local hospitals. These floors are filled with children getting EEG's, brain surgeries, and much more. However, I guess it isn't obvious enough? I might need to work on that when I take my next batch out!

In order to explain why I put the things I put in the baskets and what makes me want to make them, I am going to show you through pictures. I made baskets for little kids (babies, toddlers, and children up to 10 years old), baskets for preteens/teens, and baskets for family members.

 

Babies

 

Babies - these were very tricky baskets, because babies are usually "covered" when it comes to being in the hospital. Babies often have everything. It's the parents and guardians who don't. So I sort of "tricked" the baskets and filled it with goodies for the parents and a sweet and simple blanket for the baby. Sometimes even a stuffed animal if I had one. Some of the goodies for the parents that I included were: Drinks, snacks, candies, toiletries, and occasionally gift cards for free burgers and meals at fast food chains (all underneath the blanket).

 

It doesn't seem like much unless you are a parent who has had to go through this. Then you know what it's like just watching your child lay there sick, waiting for another one of the violent seizures to come. Tired, haven't bathed, and have had no time to eat or drink a thing. Half the time you have no cash in pocket to get food. It's terrible.

 

I think what touches me most is the smiles on the faces of the folks who get these bags and baskets. I remember my first time delivering. I was nervous to see other families like me, because it really isn't a happy thing to look at. The sad and angry faces are everywhere. I feared that I wouldn't be let in half of the rooms. I know that when I was in the hospital, if someone tried to come in my room I'd probably yell "GET OUT NOW!"

 

And one day, I delivered all the bags and baskets, and for some reason, I had one fluffy blanket left. It is the blanket on the bottom right side of the above photo. Grey, fluffy, and feels like the softest kitty in the world (minus the smell, allergies, clawing, etc.) Every little child wants one! Unfortunately, it was so small. It is a BABY blanket.

 

I showed the nurse and she said "I know who to give this to," and took me to one of the "emergency rooms" where a mother sat alone crying. I could hardly look inside - her little girl laid unconscious, in a coma, on the hospital bed. Tubes and wires in every area of her body. The nurse said "Stay out here and I will give her the blanket" and walked back out with another nurse. I could see the mother inside crying, holding the blanket.

 

The other nurse who walked out had tears all over her face. She just grabbed me and hugged me saying "It's been a long, hard day. I'm ready to go home". I just let her hug me (even though I didn't know her at all!) because I knew that what she said was true. I don't know if I could ever have her job. Probably not.

 

As we walked down the hallway talking, I tried to dry my EpilepsyBlogger t-shirt off. It was wet on the shoulders with that nurse's tears... Very wet!

 

"Wait!" said a small voice from a woman.

 

I turned around. And I saw that mother from the Emergency room, holding the baby blanket. "I want to tell you something."

 

"Of course," I said. We walked back into her Emergency Room, and I introduced myself. Introducing myself was hard because I already wanted to cry, seeing the broken-hearted mother with tears in her eyes. I let her know that I once stayed in that very hospital several times year, so I was visiting to give back to the place that saved my life many times.

 

"I want to thank you for giving me this," the woman said, crying in between almost each word. "My daughter is in a coma and the doctors say they don't know if she will live because she is so young. I've been praying all day and all night. Praying for a sign... Just something to let me know that she isn't going to be gone from my life. I think this blanket is that sign. So thank you for giving me hope. I know my daughter will love it when she wakes up."

 

How is that for my first-ever non-emergency visit to the hospital? Pretty heavy on the heart. But I'll never forget it.

 

Toddlers & Young Children - The easy baskets! I knew what toddlers wanted. Toddlers and young children get bored easily in the hospital, and with seizures, they need something to take their mind off of the fear and cheer them up. So these baskets are filled with a little more.

 

Above are the Easter drop-off baskets that were given the afternoon before Easter. Inside are eggs filled with candy, coupons for free ice creams, stuffed animal bunnies, puzzles, Gatorade bottles, Goldfish, blankets, lollipops, pretty postcards, sunglasses, coloring books, crayons and much more! Enough to enjoy and even share with their parents!

 

Preteens/ Teens/ Parents and Guardians

 

Preteens/ Teens/ Parents and Guardians - Above are the Easter drop-off baskets for preteens, teens and guardians. Teens and guardians got a really cute re-usable basket they could take home and use for whatever. I also didn't hold back on the junk! Potato chips, sodas (caffeine-free, of course!), boxes of cereal (the good kind), candy-filled eggs, chewing gum, breakfast bars, etc.

The baskets were also filled with things that I personally wish I always have in the hospital when I'm there. This includes deodorant (the good kind), hair soap (the good kind), conditioner (which they don't give at all), lotion (that doesn't smell like baby lotion), tampons (PLEASE!), feminine pads (would it kill any hospital to make them thinner?), shaving cream (this doesn't exist in hospitals), and razors (that don't slice your skin off), etc. Even some little fun things like gift cards, free meal coupons, free RedBox rentals, sleep masks, pretty pill boxes, socks, I.C.E. bracelets, etc.

I was going to put bunnies or more Easter gear, but I thought about it a bit. What would I do if someone gave me all of that? I would say to my mother or father, "Well thanks! Now where's all the stuff that I really need?" My mother would probably say that too! And boy, the smile on the parents faces when they knew they didn't have to take the bus home for money and food was awesome. I got so many hugs it blew my mind!

But I don't do it for myself. I do it because I wish someone had done it for me all those years. That is how I knew what to put in the baskets too! Hope that explains it all for you!

Until next time,
Mandy Krzywonski

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(For mothers, fathers, aunts, uncles,

grandmas, grandpas, nieces, nephews, step-fathers, step-mothers,

daughters, sons, step-daughters, step-sons, friends, best friends,

wives, husbands, couples, and so on! Even singles!!!)

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(Hopeful words, videos, music, and more to brighten up your day!)

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All ages!

Drowning in Saltwater - Day 7 WEGO National Health Blog Month

Day 7 Nov. 7th - WEGO National Health Blog Month

Prompt: Redesign a hospital room

If you enjoy my blogs and articles, please nominate me! Only takes a second! CLICK HERE TO NOMINATE ME!!! #HAAwards #NHBPM


Tonight is a hard night. Well, technically "this morning," since it's already 3:00 in the morning. This January's brain surgery won't stay off of my mind. I promised myself that I'd do my best not to think about it too much at night so that I can actually rest, but the combination of my antibiotics and AED's are giving me some major insomnia... So I can't sleep and I can't help it.

I only wish that the crying would stop. These tears are all over my keyboard as I type this and it's making my discharge seizures flare up. And along with those, my complex partial seizures are flaring up too... They've been going insane this week as it is. Not to mention that harsh"crying headache" I always get.

I am just so scared. Yeah, the death rate is only 0.1% and the risk of stroke is 2%... But one cannot help but worry that they might be that 0.1% or 2%. Let's not forget how hospital rooms seem to just scream disaster into your mind. Maybe if the rooms were a bit more inviting I'd be less scared. Maybe just a little bit.

(See Stanford's Risks and Benefits of Surgery PART ONE and PART TWO for more information on the risks and benefits of Temporal Lobectomies for Epilepsy.)

For example, those darn beds. Do they absolutely have to feel like rocks or is that just a choice the hospital makes to save on cash? I mean, I hate to complain... But even with the crappy pillow that seems as if it is stuffed with nothing but leaves, the bed is the most uncomfortable thing I have ever slept on. It wouldn't kill the hospital to purchase some Tempur-Pedic mattress covers at the very least. That would be a gift from heaven for someone like me, who seems to live there sometimes.

And what about the plain colors of paint on the walls that make you feel like you're sitting in a funeral home? Is it too much to ask for some yellow paint - or at least some other bright color that doesn't tell my brain to feel depressed and plain pissed off? I would paint my hospital room a nice dandelion yellow if I had the chance to choose.

But the one thing that definitely bothers me the most is that I am always alone due to those crappy little bed/chair "things" next to my hospital bed that the hospital assumes my parents can comfortably sleep in. Those darn things make me thankful as can be for that rock-hard hospital bed I have to sleep in. No wonder my family leaves me in the hospital alone overnight. (Which, by the way, is when all the seizures conveniently decide to happen.)

I just roll my eyes as I watch my mother or father attempt to pull out the little makeshift "bed" - which is really just a leg rest - and try to get "comfortable". Within an hour or less they say "Nope, this is hurting my back. I can't do this tonight, I will go home and come back tomorrow." A few times they have been able to pull it off, but these past few visits were't one of those times. And do note, it isn't their fault. It's not that they leave me alone all the time. They do their very best to stay with me... But bad backs and crappy chairs can't pull sleepovers.

Everytime my parents say they "can't do this tonight" I just laugh because I am not supposed to cry, right? Being a 19 year old young lady, almost 20, I should be able to be on my own. But the hospital still scares me as much as a Native American burial ground when I know a Tonic-clonic is coming soon. I need my "mommy" and "daddy" there to let me know I am not dying when a seizure takes me into the dark abyss, and especially when I wake up from the seizure into the hell that it leaves for me. So when I laugh, I am truly just holding the crying in. I find myself finally crying once my parents have left, which magically brings that Tonic-clonic seizure on almost right away.

I always feel so silly when I call the house crying, begging for my parents to come back to the hospital. I feel like I am a little girl again, calling from my friend's house during a sleepover, begging my father to pick me up because her older brother won't stop freaking me out. They answer, half asleep. "Hey, Mandy, is everything okay? What's going on?" Doing their very best to stay concerned even though they are exhausted and filled with back pain from sitting in the hospital all day.

Part of me feels happy and relieved just to hear their voices, but the cranky side of Mandy is angry that one or the other left and I start to cry. I'd usually feel embarrassed about admitting this, but who am I kidding? I'm in the hospital getting an EEG. They rip you off of your anti-epileptic drugs, make you stay awake all night listening to other patients scream from the other rooms - so you're tired and frustrated as hell. What does anyone expect from us other than to go crazy?

"Please come back I'm scared to have a seizure by myself." And it isn't a lie, because I am scared. The discharge seizures, I can handle, no problem whatsoever. I can handle the complex partial seizures too even though they make me a little nauseated, unaware, and worried that a Tonic-clonic is coming. But the Tonic-clonics are scary and impossible to get through alone - aside from the pretty auras - and so unbelievably painful when I wake up.

I then hear my father cry a little, and my mother too. Not too much, but just a few tears and sniffles. "Honey, we can't come back. We already spent a lot on gas and we have to take the kids to school in the morning. But we'll be there tomorrow, don't worry. We'll bring you some cookies. Just relax and we'll be there soon. We are praying for you and we love you. Jesus will take care of you."

I start to cry because I am still angry and scared. As if cookies are supposed to make it all better or something. And for about two minutes they just listen to me cry because I won't hang up the phone. Whichever exhausted parent is currently on the phone at that point passes me to the other parent for a repeat of the same conversation with more crying on my end. We then say our goodnights and I cry the rest of the night until a seizure just takes over and shuts me up.

My last EEG was a great example of why seizures are so painful. After crying and feeling helpless for a good hour and a half, I finally calmed down and grabbed my cell phone to play some knock-off of Angry Birds. And within that first minute of calmly playing a game I had a seizure. I hardly remember any of the aura because it was one of the most intense seizures I think I can ever recall living through, and waking up was the hardest part. It always is.

Why is it so hard, you might ask? Well, because you wake up into the hell that Tonic-clonics really are. I guarantee people would stop being so dang scared of watching you shake and grind your teeth if they could personally feel how bad it hurts to wake up. The seizure itself isn't frightening because you're not awake to feel it. So waking up... Well, that's what they ought to really be scared of.

Intense pain from head to toe - So intense that I wanted to die. I begged the nurse to make it stop and I screamed so loud that I woke up half of the hallway. She kept kindly asking me to "Shhhh... You're waking up everyone who is asleep. Don't worry it's over. Don't worry." Everything smelled and tasted like blood, which is usual. You never realize this right away because it's like you're being born again, or something. For a good five minutes your brain just doesn't work or think. I just screamed, screamed, and screamed some more.

The pain just doesn't stop, either. The head is the main place you feel it, but everywhere hurts. This time it was so bad that once I could talk I quietly cried, actually begging the nurse to kill me so it would all just stop. "Kill me... Make it stop... Make... it stop... please... I want to just die already... Don't... Don't do this to me anymore." No lie, no exaggeration. I still remember the poor nurse's face as she heard this and I can't help but feel bad for what I asked of her. Her eyes watered and she shot me up with pain killers in attempt to stop my crying.

Another nurse came in and attempted to comfort me as they both removed all my clothing. I lost control of my bladder during the seizure. Urine completely soaking the mattress. Blood, urine, an oxygen mask and rubbing alcohol wipes - it all felt disgusting. I felt disgusting. Half drugged, I laid there, still crying. Although the pain was less intense, it was still there and still terrible.

I cried for my father. He's been the one I have always cried for since I was able to speak. My mother still wonders why I cry for her less often than my father. The answer is simple, to me, at least. If someone called me a name, or did something wrong to me when I was a little girl, I counted on him to be the strong man he is and get me the justice I deserved. And in this case, I was more wronged than I ever have been. Epilepsy is hurting me, and it hurts me in ways I can never fully explain.

One of the other nurses, obviously annoyed by my 19 year old self crying "Call... daddy... I need him... He needs to come help me..." dialed him up and let me cry to him on the phone and become his problem. "Where are you daddy? I had a seizure... I'm scared... Please come back..." but he couldn't. It was 4:00 in the morning, he was exhausted, and there was nowhere comfortable for him to sit or lay down. I guess I don't blame either of my parents, though. They didn't deserve to see how much I was literally covered in my own blood anyway. I don't think I have ever seen more of my blood in my life. That would only stress them more.

Anyway... I guess if I could change one thing out of all the things in my hospital rooms, I would put another bed for my mother or father. That way I don't have to feel so scared and alone. Hopefully the story I told you from this past year has helped you understand why those stupid "beds" are not beds at all. But I suppose that feeling scared and alone are just another two parts of this sick and twisted deal that they call "living with Epilepsy," eh? I just don't know if I'm ready to risk my life to get out of this mess...

CLICK HERE TO DONATE NOW!!!

Please share this article with friends and family to help find kind people willing to help donate for a cure to this terrible illness. To some it is only "Epilepsy," but for us it is an everyday life of pain and terror.

Amanda M. Krzywonski

EpilepsyBlogger Introduces ScanMed QR - Review & Giveaway

Alright folks... I'm absolutely jumping up and down to show you all this fantastic product that truly makes all difference when you're choosing medical alert wear, and I'm even more excited to be GIVING THEM AWAY!!! Many people go for the metal bracelets, or the plain I.C.E. alert bands. Some people have only simple I.C.E. cards in their wallets, and some don't even use medical alert wear at all! So please read below to find out why it is so important to wear medical alert products, and find out how to WIN a ScanMed QR band + a 1 year membership!!!

It's inevitable - we're all going to be alone, without caretakers, at some point in time. Whether it be at work, school, or out and about on the town. If we have a seizure alone, and we are found by medical emergency responders or even strangers unconscious, they wouldn't know what was wrong with us or who we even are. Especially if it happens to be on a day in which you left your purse in the car, or forgot your wallet. Emergencies don't care which days are best for you, and neither do seizures.

Medical alert wear helps inform those who find you on:

- how to treat you

- who to call for your safety

- who you are

- what disease/ disorder/ allergy/ illness/ etc. you have

- and much more!

When you choose to wear these products, as a person with Epilepsy, it is most definitely a life-saving decision. Not to mention it can help medical emergency responders waste less time and get you the help you need far more quickly, just in time to save your life. Imagine having a seizure in a strange place, alone, without all of this information... Doesn't sound like good odds, does it?

So I'm sure after watching the above video, and what I've just said, you've realized that you need to invest in some sort of medical alert wear. You're probably wondering how or where you're going to find a bracelet, necklace, etc. Well, you're in LUCK! Because at the end of this review is an awesome GIVEAWAY, all thanks to ScanMed QR, where I will be giving ONE band away EACH DAY for 30 DAYS!!! So please read and be sure to enter before you exit the website!

What did I think of the ScanMed QR Band? - Review

Comfort:

I was worried this band wouldn't be comfortable. I am not going to lie, it seems a little chunky as far as size goes, and I was worried that it would pull on my hair. I am unfortunately one of those females with a slightly hairy arm (laughs) so I am very careful about what I wear. To my surprise, the silicone band did not pull at my hair at all and it is so comfortable that I forget I am even wearing it! It is easy to remove if you need to, it bends easily and will not break during a seizure, and actually isn't as bulky as it first looked. To me, that is as comfortable as it gets, my friends!

Quality:

The ScanMed QR band is a 100% SILICONE sports band, similar to the LIVESTRONG bands you see often these days. I never understood why silicone bands were so popular until I actually wore one. However, I was very impressed with the quality of this silicone bracelet:

- Flexible/ Doesn't break: Unless you were to get a pair of scissors and purposefully spend 5 minutes chopping it in half, this band isn't going anywhere. Ever had a metal chain that broke? Yeah, me too. Silicone is far better!

- Hypoallergenic material: Silicone is non-porous and does not contain allergens. Great for everyone!

- Waterproof: What's better than a bracelet that can go in the pool, hot tub, shower, or ocean with you? Absolutely no effort required! No need to remove it!

- Won't fall off: The ScanMed QR band grips the wrist loosely, but is tight enough to where it isn't going to fall off on accident.

- Sturdy: Quite thick, but not too thick to where it is heavy or uncomfotable. No seams or sections appearing to come undone. Actually does NOT have a seam splitting down the the band which means that this puppy ain't goin' nowhere!

- Easy to read: Words are easy to read, and anyone approaching you can see the medical alert symbols along with the QR code.

FREE ID Card

You also get an awesome ID card that comes with the same unique QR code printed on your wristband. It shows your name, and instructions on how to scan the code. It also lists what vital information can be found after scanning!

ScanMed QR Application and Ease of Use When Scanning QR Code:

The ScanMed QR Reader app could not be easier to use. It is FREE, and can be downloaded on iTunes for Apple products such as the iPhone 3GS, iPhone 4, iPhone 4S, iPod touch (3rd generation), iPod touch (4th generation) and iPad. Requires iOS 5.1 or later to use. SEE THE SCANMED QR READER APPLICATION BY CLICKING HERE! Definitely giving it 5 STARS! NOTE: Any QR Code reader can read the code on the band!!!

With a picture showing a person scanning the band, and directions on the screen, you can't get lost on what to do. Even if you're new to technology.

 

Once you have scanned your QR code, which only takes about 3 seconds of steady scanning, your profile will show up on the screen. You can also log in to your profile through the app. I found this to be very helpful at doctor appointments this last week because my memory isn't too good and I always forget the dosages of my medications.

 

You can even DIAL 9-1-1 right from the app! So be sure to teach your friends and family how to use the app because it can really save a lot of time!

 

What Can I See on My Profile? 

Height

Weight

Blood Type

Medical Conditions (Awesome if you have more than just Epilepsy, like myself!)

Allergies

Current Medications (with dosage and frequency!)

Emergency Contacts

Physician Information

Special Instructions (Such as "Do Not Resuscitate")

Religion

And Much More!

What About Using The Website? Is it Easy?

 

Absolutely!!! After logging in, everything is more than a breeze. Plus, if you get confused, there's a number at the top and bottom of the screen in which you can call for assistance. There's no way to lose with ScanMed QR and I am so thankful for that! Click HERE to check out the website!!!

Okay, I Want One! How Can I Get One?

By visiting SCANMEDQR.COM, choose your membership. ScanMed QR makes it very easy to cover your entire family, and even a few friends (up to 8) if you'd like!

When you're done selecting your membership, hit BUY NOW! You'll create your profile on the website for you and your family members or friends, and once your bands will arrive in the mail you're DONE! Aside from updating your profile as conditions or medications change, that's all you'll ever need to do!

Summary

It just does NOT get easier, folks. This is "the" band! Requires the least amount of effort to keep you safe at all times, and holds more information than any other medical alert band. You even get a FREE ID card with the QR card for your wallet or purse in case you happen to forget you band. I'm beyond impressed with this product, and it's the last one I will ever need to buy because it is comfortable, sturdy, and simply takes care of everything! Let's not forget to mention that you can easily cover the entire family, plus a friend or two for the price of ONE average metal medical alert bracelet. It just doesn't get any better than ScanMed QR!

Ready to WIN One?!

 

Thank you to Eric Richardson, the President and Co-Founder of ScanMed QR for this amazing donation of one (1) ScanMed QR band to give away EACH DAY for 30 DAYS!!! Trying this product was absolutely wonderful - I have never felt more safe going out for a jog as a person with Epilepsy. Usually I am dragging along one of my sisters and slowing myself down when I could be jogging on my own, at my own speed, without having to worry about having a seizure alone. I have definitely found the product for me, and I hope others see how much of a godsend this product truly is!

To Win:

Carefully enter your information into the boxes in the Rafflecopter widget below. All of your info is 100% SAFE, and can only be viewed by myself. There are 4 REQUIRED ENTRIES. Without ALL FOUR, you can NOT win the contest!

 

- Full Name

- VALID E-mail Address

- Location (Contest is available for both the U.S.A. and the United Kingdom)

- Comment

 

Once you have completed all four REQUIRED ENTRIES, you are officially entered into the contest. You also UNLOCK EXTRA ENTRIES which can be completed if you wish, but are NOT required. EXTRA ENTRIES can earn you up to 10 entries each! You can come back and enter each day if you did not win the previous day. You may only win ONCE, and only ONE winner per household.

 

GOOD LUCK!!!

(DO NOT PUT NAMES, E-MAILS, or LOCATION IN COMMENT SECTION. IT WILL NOT BE COUNTED AS AN ENTRY. YOU MUST ENTER THROUGH THE RAFFLECOPTER WIDGET. ALLOW 30 SECONDS FOR LOADING IF YOU DO NOT SEE IT.)

 

 

 

 

 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Video EEG - Day #3-5

Shortly after my first night of sleep deprivation I had my first seizure. The only problem is that it was in my sleeping hours, so we had to continue trying to force more seizures throughout the day. This was unsuccessful, so after the 2nd day, we decided to give it a break until the 3rd day. Little did we know, we wouldn't have to wait much longer!

I was lying awake in the hospital bed around 1:45am on the 25th of this past week, having been off my medication for 36 hours and waiting for my 2:00am - 8:00am sleep deprivation wake-up call. I thought I would try to get some shut eye since I had fifteen minutes left, and was all of the sudden extremely exhausted when only 5 minutes prior I had energy like the Energizer Bunny.

What happened next? You can probably guess, of course - I went into a tonic clonic seizure (also known as a grand mal to some people). I don't remember anything else about the situation, but it sure was a tonic clonic and it struck me down in the worst way imaginable. The most painful one I have had in about a year now... Makes me feel thankful for the tons of seizures that I have on a daily basis. This seizure was nothing compared.

I awoke to my two night nurses vacuuming spit, blood, and tiny chunks of my tongue out of my mouth. I bit the side of my tongue off again like I always do during a tonic clonic seizures. One held my hand and assured me I would be okay with what appeared to be tears in her eyes. I was so confused about what happened, because I didn't even remember how it started. I didn't even remember hitting the "seizure" button that we're supposed to hit before a seizure strikes or when we feel funny.

"Seizure Button"

I felt so childish as I cried for somewhere around two hours because of the frightening happening and the intensely painful headache that captured my entire skull, all the way down my neck. I begged to call my parents, in which I did. I cried when they answered and begged both my mother and my father to come to the hospital to be with me. They were unable to come be with me, as the hospital is all the way across town. But I truly hoped they'd make the trip to be with me.

I forgot about everyone that I knew. I forgot who my sisters Jessica and Eliana were. I forgot who my brother Jake was too. I had even forgotten who my handsome boyfriend was until an entire day later. The only ones I could remember were the father and mother who were with me from the start of my life. I only wish they had come to be with me.

With an injection of Lorazepam and another injection of pain killers for the terrible migraine I suffered, I felt in peace enough to be put to sleep. The doctors didn't bother try and keep me awake from 2:00 - 8:00am. At that point, there was no point! So I slept and slept, waiting only hours to do this all over again. Thankfully there was no going unconscious or biting of the tongue.

I was injected with a dye that would color the specific area of my brain in which is the cause of my seizures. The dye showed that my left temporal lobe is to blame, but my team of doctors (all of the sudden) have many more questions. They doubt that medication alone will ever be my cure, but they are not 100% set on surgery like they were once.

After I was injected with dye I was given a dose of Lorazepam and the rest of the evening was easy breezy. I got a brain scan so the doctors could see the parts of my brain colored by the dye, and my sweet boyfriend came to see me Thursday evening around 9:00pm and we laughed watching Star Wars in the hospital room.

I was embarrassed for him to see me covered in wires, glue, needles and as pale as a ghost... But Rafael has outdone himself as far as making me feel loved and comfortable. I enjoyed seeing him after all of the pain and terror of a trillion seizures.

Today, Friday the 27th, was less trying on the body. All that was required of me was a double dose of medication and sleep as the tech team monitored my discharge seizure activity until about 6pm. I had one more due scan without the presence of the tonic clonic seizure - so the doctors could see the difference in my brain on a normal day.

I didn't walk out with any reassuring words. I wasn't told that I would "for sure" be a candidate for brain surgery. This was a bummer - I won't lie to you. Nonetheless, the doctors "would like to believe that" I am and further testing will be done this month. I was upped another 1/3 of a dose of my Felbatol and I am FINALLY OFF OF MY KLONOPIN!!! It feels so good not to have to depend on that drug anymore.

I would like to share that the doctor isn't psyched about having me completely off of Klonopin as it was helping slightly with insomnia and anxiety - but I'm determined to go on without it. He insists that now I am without anything to control my insomnia I must avoid computer usage past about 11:00pm. So I will be having pre-scheduled blogs once agin.

I will have some of the regular "out of nowhere" blogs, but they will be less often and only for extremely important events or when I have extra time. So be sure to visit the upper left side of this blog site and enter my mailing list to be automatically updated. No junk mail, no spam, just ONE measly e-mail update when I make a new blog post!

Other than that, I still take 1,200 mg of Trileptal a day. Nothing has changed as far as that goes. But we are discussing changing me to entirely different dosages or even medications. (Felbatol isn't proven to be 100% safe for young fertile women at the moment - it's still up in the air!) I'm quite nervous about changing medications again. Especially since all the doctors agree that they highly doubt medication to be my cure.

This is all I have for now, but I'll keep y'all updated!!!