Did you know that children with Epilepsy are more likely to be bullied than their peers? As if the struggle of having Epilepsy itself isn't enough... But, together we can stop bullying right in its tracks! So please give this article a reading and talk to the ones you love today!
"Children with epilepsy are at greater risk for bullying than their peers. According to the results of an Ohio State University College of Medicine study, published in Epilepsy & Behavior in 2009, children with epilepsy were more frequently victims of bullying (42%) than were healthy controls (21%) or children with another chronic disease (chronic kidney disease) (18%). The relatively high prevalence of bullying behaviors is concerning and requires greater research specifically addressing peer relationships and consideration of the implementation of anti-bullying measures and coping strategies for children with epilepsy [1]"
Hamiwka LD et al. Are children with epilepsy at greater risk for bullying than their peers? Epilepsy Behav, 2009; 15(4): 500-505. PMID: 19631586
But what is bullying?
Bullying is unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children (elementary, middle school, high school, and even college) that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The behavior is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time. Both kids who are bullied and who bully others may have serious, long lasting problems.
In order to be considered bullying, the behavior must be aggressive and include:
- An Imbalance of Power: Kids who bully use their power—such as physical strength, access to embarrassing information, or popularity—to control or harm others. Power imbalances can change over time and in different situations, even if they involve the same people.
- Repetition: Bullying behaviors happen more than once or have the potential to happen more than once. Bullying includes actions such as making threats, spreading rumors, attacking someone physically or verbally, and excluding someone from a group on purpose.
What are the types of bullying?
- Verbal bullying is saying or writing mean things. This can include "cyberbullying" which includes mean, hateful, and degrading messages through texting, chat rooms, e-mail, social netoworks, etc.
- Social bullying, sometimes referred to as relational bullying, involves hurting someone’s reputation or relationships. This can also include "cyberbullying".
- Physical bullying involves hurting a person’s body or possessions.
"Delete Cyber Bullying" [VIDEO]
How can I prevent or become aware of cyberbullying?
Prevention of cyberbullying can be as simple as giving your child limited usage of tablets, laptops, etc. and keeping a close eye over their visited websites. Being in the same room as your child as they browse the internet can make this much easier.
Having your child "hand their phones in" at night can also help a lot with cyberbulling via text messages. If your child is upset over this change, try rewarding them for cooperating each week. Maybe a pair of movie tickets each friday for your child and a friend, or a $10 allowance. It doesn't have to be big!
Some of the most helpful steps you can take are:
- Install parental filter software on your devices. Norton Family Premier is one of the best, allowing you to not only see what your children do online, but even set a timer to reject internet access to your children past or before a certain time of day. This program also includes mobile monitoring for cell phones, and monitoring for websites such as Facebook or Youtube. Click THIS LINK to learn more about Norton Family Premier.
- Ask your children to "follow" or "friend" you on social networking sites they use. If they don't find that pleasing, tell them they cannot use that website anymore OR ask them to "friend" or "follow" another trusted adult such as an older sibling, cousin, aunt, uncle, or friend's parent.
- Encourage your kids to tell you immediately if they, or someone they know, is being cyberbullied. Explain that you will not take away their computers or cell phones if they confide in you about a problem they are having.
- Explain consequences that will be taken if they share their passwords with friends or people they do not know well.
- Establish rules about computer/electronics usage, such as a time of day, how long they can use devices, who they can or can't talk to, and what to do if things get out of hand.
- Two families I know personally have instructed their children to take "screenshots" if anything fishy ever happens on the web so that they can see first-hand what happened. Find out how to take screenshots on your children's devices, and instruct them how and when to do so.
Some of the most common signs of being cyberbullied are:
- Your child is uneasy, nervous, or jumpy when an instant message, text message, or e-mail appears.
- Your child is often angry, upset, or in tears shortly after using the computer, tablet, or texting.
- Your child suddenly stops using the computer, tablet, or phone.
- DOWNLOAD THIS DOCUMENT to learn more of the signs.
What are the possible warning signs that my child/loved one is being bullied at school (or in general)?
- Comes home with damaged or missing clothing or other belongings.
- Reports losing items such as books, electronics, clothing, or jewelry.
- Has unexplained injuries.
- Suddenly has fewer friends.
- Has trouble sleeping or bad dreams.
- Has changes in eating habits.
- Blames themselves for their problems.
- Appears sad, moody, angry, anxious or depressed when they come home.
- Loses interest in friends.
- Feels helpless
- Is afraid of school or other activities with peers
- Loses interest in school work or begins to do poorly in school
- Avoids certain places
- Often feels like they are not good enough
- Hurts themselves
- Complains frequently of headaches, stomach aches, or feeling sick
- Are hungry after school from not eating lunch
What do I do if my child is being bullied?
You may be quick to say "ignore it". You might even grab your phone and call the bully's parents. Maybe you think it's safe to tell your child to "fight back"... But all of these choices are wrong. Here is a wonderful document (PDF) from EndEpilepsy.org about what to do when your child is being bullied.
Remember that more than anything, your child or loved one needs a loving person to talk to with a good pair of listening ears. Don't blame the bully victim, or get upset over how the situation was handled. Remember that the victim felt alone and had nowhere to turn. Put yourself in their shoes; young, still learning, going through tough changes, and just trying to find a place to fit in and be accepted.
Maybe your child has never been bullied but is scared to eventually be bullied OR you'd like an easy way to inform them about what to do if it happens.
Show them this video - it will help! Its fun, appealing to kids, and carries great information!"Ways to Stop Bullying"
My child has witnessed bullying... What can we do?
Check out THIS LINK for witnesses, otherwise known as "bystanders," to help you and your child take the proper measures to handle the situation without making more of a fuss. Remember that bullying is more delicate than you think, and telling the wrong person first can make the bullying grow even more. Sit your children down even if they have not yet witnessed bullying, and explain to them what to do if they ever come across a situation like this.
I think my child is being bullied, but how can I really find out?
OR
I want to find out more about my child's life at school.
Not only can contacting teachers for private meetings help, but so can conversation at home. Here are questions you can ask your child's teachers, and questions you can ask your child. Remember that conversation with your children is always more important, because teachers deal with so many children a day that it isn't always possible for them to fully understand situations. For example, your child "talking during class" may have really been your child attempting to stick up for themselves after name-calling.
13 Starter Questions for Teachers
1. "Jessica always tells me that this class is her favorite, but I'm concerned her other classes are stressing her out. Does she looked stressed or unhappy upon entering the room, or when it's time to go?"2. "I have noticed Ben's grades dropping in this class. He has always been an A+ student, and I'm wondering if there's something bothering him that I am not seeing or understanding. Have you noticed any changes in Ben during class time?"
3. "Would you mind keeping a little more of an eye on Kelsey in class this week and can you let me know if you notice something bothering her? I'd like to understand more about what is upsetting her lately."
4. "I am concerned that Jake's classmates may not totally understand his condition. I was wondering if there's any way I could help change that? Maybe a short presentation about Epilepsy, or a flyer to hand out?"
5. "Erika came home crying last Friday and said she wished she never had Epilepsy. I am worried that her classmates may be bullying her about her illness, or just not fully understanding what it is. Is there anything I can do?"
6. "Kevin told me that this is his least favorite class. I've noticed his grades dropping, and he seems stressed about your class when he comes home. Is there something going on in class that he hasn't told me about?"
7. "Honestly, I'm worried Natasha is being bullied. She seems so stressed sbout your class, yet her grades are fine. Have you noticed anything unusual? I'd really like to get to the bottom of this."
8. "I understand Xandria has been eating lunch in the art room this past semester. I was unaware of this until last week. I am totally okay with it - after all, she loves art... But I want to make sure there isn't something going on in the lunchroom that is making her scared to eat with everyone else. Have you noticed anything negative?"
9. "I saw on the report card that there is a note for "grades dropping below average," "caught passing notes," and "frequently talking in class". Have you noticed anything that appears to be causing these behaviors? For example, possible bullying? Abrahm is very stressed about this class to the point where he has been depressed and as a parent, I would like to help any way I can."
10. "Can you please call me if you see anything unsual with Nelson this week?"
11. "Kendra came home crying from school yesterday, and I'm trying to figure out what happened because it seems to still be bothering her. Were there any arguments at school this week that caught your eye?"
12. "Justin came home with a ripped up book last week, and the story seems to change a bit each time we talk. He still won't entirely tell me what happened. All I know is that it happened in reading class. Are you aware of how it happened? I just want to make sure this isn't bullying."
13. "Have you noticed Stephanie's Epilepsy affecting her progress or relationships at school in any way?"
25 Questions for Kids
1. “I know you were stressed out about that math test. How did it go?”
2. “I’m really proud of how well you’re doing in school. I remember when I was your age, Chemistry was the class that I was always excited about. What are you studying these days that really interests you?”
3. “You seem to have some good teachers this year. I really like Mrs. Matthews. Which one is your favorite?”
4. “If you could make up a teacher from scratch, a perfect teacher, what would he or she be like?”
5. “When I was your age, I really didn’t like social studies. I just didn’t see the point in studying how people in Russia lived or what kind of languages Native Americans spoke. What subject are you really not liking these days?”
6. “What’s your favorite time of day at school?”
7. “What do you think about your grades? How does your report card compare with what you were expecting?”
8. “We used to have the meanest boy in my class when I was your age. I still remember what a bully he was. Do you have anyone like that in your class?”
9. “I’ve been reading a lot in the news about kids picking on other kids. What about at your school? Is that happening?”
10. “I’m hearing a lot about bullying on the Internet. It sounds a little scary, but I really don’t know what it’s all about. Can you tell me about it?”
11. “I noticed a few new kids in your class. Which ones have you been able to get to know? What are they like?”
12. “I know it was hard for you when Kenny transferred to a different school. How’s it going without your best friend around?”
13. “When I was in middle school I used to love eating lunch under this big oak tree with my friends. Who did you sit with at lunch today?”
14. “I’m sorry you didn’t get invited to Sarah’s birthday party. I know you’re disappointed. How have things changed between you and Sarah now that you’re not in the same class?”
15. “I really like the way you choose such nice friends. What qualities do you look for in a friend?”
16. “I know you really like your new friend Caroline, but whenever I see her she’s being disrespectful to adults. What do you like about her? I'm just wondering if maybe there's something I don't understand or something I don't see.”
17. “I can tell it embarrasses you when I insist on meeting your friends’ parents before letting you go to their house, but it’s something I need to do as your mom. Is there a way I could do it that would make you feel more comfortable?”
18. “How’s it going with your activities and schoolwork? What would make it easier for you to manage your schedule and responsibilities?”
19. “I feel like I haven’t talked to you in ages, yet we live in the same house! How about we go out for ice cream and catch up?”
20. “I’m sure I do things that embarrass you. What do I do that embarrasses you the most?”
21. "Is there a specific time of day that you really wish you didn't have seizures?"
22. "Back when I was your age, I didn't even know what Epilepsy was. I'm sure it's still confusing to others. Is there anyone at school who really doesn't understand your seizures?"
23. "I talked to your teacher last week, and we were wondering if there's a way that we could teach your class about Epilepsy that wouldn't embarrass your or make you upset. We just think it's important for your classmates to better understand what Epilepsy is, so that they can help you if you ever have a seizure in class."
24. "How have your seizures made you feel lately?"
25. "I just wanted to tell you that I love you and I am so proud of how you stay so strong with Epilepsy. I don't think I could ever do it as well as you do. Is Epilepsy affecting your school at all right now? I'd like to help keep you going any way I can."
Here are some other great resources for parents:
End Epilepsy - Bullying and Epilepsy
Stop Bullying
Stop Cyber Bullying
Secretary Arne Duncan answered questions about the U.S. Department of Education's efforts to stop bullying [VIDEO]
PBS Kids - It's My Life - Bullies: What is Bullying?
Violence Prevention Works! - Bullying Page
National Crime Prevention Council - Bullying
"Anti-Bullying Learning and Teaching Resource (ALTER) Catholic Education Office, Wollongong" [VIDEO]
"Stand Up" - Official Music Video for BULLY- Mike Tompkins
Spencer Kane - "One of THE Kind" (Official Music Video)
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