Epilepsy is My Gift

So I wake up at 3:00 in the morning. My inbox is filled with lovely e-mails from all of my friends and fans, therefore my phone is BEEP, BEEP, BEEPING me awake! I'm reading through and I'm fascinated. There's e-mails from all over the world. People in Malaysia, Russia, Germany, and even places I've never heard of. I wonder to myself, "How are they even able to access internet in these places?!".

So I'm smiling to myself, reading all the messages, when one new one suddenly comes in. I open it up, and my smile quickly flattens. Someone asks me "How dare you say that Epilepsy is a blessing to yourself? Epilepsy is hurting people, killing people, and making people just suffer in general. You should be ashamed of yourself, saying that."


Of course I'm not going to mention that person's name, or post the entire message. However, I would love to explain myself. And I'm not angry at that person, but I am now concerned that people just don't understand what I mean when I say that Epilepsy is a blessing to me. So please, allow me to explain myself further. And I would like to note that I am NOT seizure-free. This is coming from a girl who is 18 years old and having 100+ seizures a day.

Epilepsy is so "out there," as many people will agree. It isn't like other diseases or illnesses. It isn't something visible on the skin, or something that can be seen under a microscope. It isn't something that people automatically know you have. It's a condition that lies beneath the skin, deep inside the brain - it might as well be hiding within our souls because it is so complex and emotional. So many things are tied to Epilepsy that each time any of the people with Epilepsy try to explain themselves to someone, we end up boring them to death with our hour-long stories.

But often, as I have described to many, and many have described to me, we find that our condition is "cool" in some ways. For example, our auras. These beautiful light shows that occur in front of our eyes that only we can see. Scents, not always pleasant, but the scents that only we can smell. The memories that get pulled out of our heads and played before our eyes... Memories that we may not have ever gotten to see if it weren't for that seizure.

It may just be me. I may be one in a million. But I focus on the beautiful parts. Doing anything other than that would be foolish. Negativity feeds one's sickness. It only makes one weaker! I focus on the fact that having these painful seizures allows us to better explain what seizures are, how they feel, and how many different types exist in this world that doctors may not know of yet. If only more individuals could realize this.

I've gotten to see my body in so many ways that most people will never get to. Through MRIs, X-Rays,  etc. I've seen every vein! I've seen my brain waves! It's like being the first man on the moon sometimes. Venturing into places that most have ever been, or can ever visit. Places that we cannot drive to, or pay to see. Places existing in between the realm of the physical world, and our minds. That sealed off world that can only be seen when we close our eyes. The world that your average person will never step inside of.

I also see Epilepsy as a gift because it allows us a chance to be yet another voice within the song of Epilepsy. We also get to hear so many other voices. I've done interviews with people from all around this world! It's such a humbling experience, and I've been touched deeply by so many people that I have interviewed and spoken with. I am speaking to Serene Lowe as I type this, author of Serene's Epilepsy Legacy, the second best Epilepsy blog on the world wide web. I personally feel it should be #1! Anyhow, she agrees with me in so many ways that it is relieving to know that someone else out there is like me. Someone who agrees that there is truly a stigma around Epilepsy. One that needs to be gotten rid of.

We are not freaks. We are not possessed by the devil or demonic spirits. We are not contagious and we are normal human beings. We are not crazy and do not need to be put in psych wards. Half the time when that happens we are doped up on medication that the doctors give us - It isn't the Epilepsy causing us these problems, it's the treatment and the way people see us! We need to voice our opinions and end the myths. Each person who has Epilepsy must open their mouths, for they have been blessed with the knowledge to speak of these things.

People ask me constantly, "Mandy, you can't tell me that if you could get rid of your Epilepsy right now, you wouldn't do it. Would you?" Many times I reply "Yes, I would. But I would never stop my Epilepsy work!" However, after many nights lying awake in bed praying, and many dreams that I know are from God, I realized that I have this condition for a reason. It was no accident that I had a Grand Mal seizure on that sunny day in Texas. It was no accident that I started writing this blog. God has a master plan, and Epilepsy has been a part of that plan this entire time.

If I lost my Epilepsy, sure, I could still continue with my work for Epilepsy. But the pain, the suffering - it is what drives me. It is what gave me my voice to sing the song of Epilepsy to the world. It is that tingling in my fingertips that wakes me up at night to write a blog. I have a blog that has reached over 103 countries in only two years! That is a massive blessing in itself. It drives me to keep on writing, even when I feel no one is reading. Epilepsy drives me to pick up a paint brush and make masterpieces. It drives me to search for my cure. Although I search, I refuse to be cured until others are cured with me.

If I would have never had Epilepsy, I would have never come across this cause - and if I did, I would most likely make my quick donation and then shrug it off like many people do. Maybe I would volunteer, run a 5k, do my small part. But I wouldn't have this blog. I wouldn't get all of your e-mails. I wouldn't be spending 6 hours a day answering questions, picking out prizes for contests, and posting resources for you all.

I know this blog post is getting extremely lengthy, but I hope you are all starting to see into my head. I hope you can see what I feel. I hope you understand that I wouldn't wish Epilepsy on anyone - but for those who have it, they should embrace it as a gift. For no blessing comes without a price.

So here I am, an 18 year old girl who has 100+ seizures a day. I'm standing proud, and speaking loud. I will say to you all with no hesitation and no shame whatsoever - Nothing great has been, and nothing great can be accomplished without passion. And passion does NOT come without suffering. God would never give someone a hardship without filling it with beautiful hidden blessings. You can quote me on that.

Be sure to enter the giveaway! Less than 6 days left to enter! No purchase necessary, and no spam mail. Just a gift from me to you for supporting me all this time. Goodnight!

a Rafflecopter giveaway