Married... with Epilepsy: Tyler & Stephanie - Part One

By: Tyler

Introduce yourself and your spouse.

My name is Tyler and I am a 23 year old Bible college graduate. I am a Christian Pastor in Polk County, Florida, married to my wife Stephanie who is 22. She is just about to graduate and is a 4^th grade teacher. We met on Facebook… well sort of. We both went to the same college, and I saw her walking through campus one day and thought “Wow! I want to meet her!!!”

Of course I befriended her on Facebook. Our campus was only 300 students… Trust me, we all know each other on Facebook. Anyway, I sent her a message asking her if we could meet up because I needed to discuss an issue I had and needed some advice. I was basically a stranger to her, but as Christian Brothers and Sisters we are always here for each other. After a few months of talking on campus, going on trips with friends… I finally asked her out and 3 years later, here we are! We got engaged 1 year after we started dating and got married September 3^rd 2011.

When did you first develop Epilepsy?

I developed Epilepsy when I was 10 years old. I caught a disease from a misquote bite called West Nile. It swelled my brain nearly killing me. I slipped into a coma for over three weeks…but thank God, I woke up. Apparently I was going to recover fully, although according to the medical staff… I should be dead. I was released from the hospital after two months of recovery. One month later on Thanksgiving I had a seizure. Ever since then I have had them and we have not been able to control them totally. After brain surgery I no longer have Grand Mal Seizures, but I still consistently have smaller seizures weekly - even with the VNS implant I have in my chest.

How have you changed from then to now as far as health and attitude toward your illness?

Yes. At first I didn’t understand why I had it, and I hated life in general. Now I thank God for what I have. I was NOT heading down a path that would have led me to ministry… In fact I’m not sure if I would even be ALIVE today if I didn’t have Epilepsy… I was doing things no child at 10 or any age for that matter should do.

When did you tell your loved one that you had Epilepsy?   

 She already knew I had it before we even technically met. The Christian college we went to was so small, and at the time I was still having Grand Mal seizures. Whenever I had one, someone always called 911. When an ambulance would pull up everyone on campus knew that 'Tyler just had a seizure'. She was scared for me when we actually became friends, and it worried me that she was so concerned, but she got used to it eventually.

When was the first time your wife saw you have any type of seizure?

A partial complex seizure? (AKA- A small one) not to long after we first started talking, before we were even dating actually. They happen all the time so there isn’t much of a “situation” to describe. A Grand Mal? (AKA- A big one) probably also before we started dating and once again, they happened so much there really wasn’t a “situation” to describe. I felt very embarrassed. I wanted to be the strong man who could take care of her no matter what and I didn’t feel that way when I had seizures but she is very supportive.

Are there any special precautions you have to take with your loved one in case you are to have a seizure?  

 Yes. She knows to back off and let me do my thing. I usually just walk around and mumble to myself… say things that make no sense (In fact, things that are pretty funny!). If I am having a big one I can warn her that I am about to have one and she knows to get away or I could hurt her in my violent thrashing. 

Does your loved one ever worry about you having Epilepsy? Explain YOUR feelings on this.

She used to. She still is always concerned for me, but after this long of being together she’s pretty much used to it and I am perfectly happy with that. I’d rather her just be there when I need her than her sitting around worrying all day about me.

What is it like dating and being married to someone when you have Epilepsy? Do you think it is different than it might be if you didn’t have Epilepsy?  

Yes, it is different, I believe. It is interesting because she doesn’t really have any health problems so I go through things she can’t understand. It doesn’t make things hard on us, but it certainly is different. With being a man it is also harder for me because I can’t do some things that other men can for their wives. A BIG one being driving her places. I am constantly relying on her or other people for rides… it’s stressful. We are also concerned for having kids. We want them so badly, but don’t want to risk side effects on our new born babies.

Are there ways that Epilepsy has benefited your love life, or made it stronger? 

Of course! We have had to go through SO much together from the time of dating till marriage and it really strengthened us as a couple. We had to wait SO long to get married, and being able to get through things like my seizures and pills, and hospital visits, and surgeries, really helped us stay patient with one another.

Has anyone ever discriminated you or your loved one for dating/being married to someone with Epilepsy?  

Yes. At first, her parents were worried that I couldn’t support her as someone having Epilepsy. Of course, now all of that has changed.

How do you feel (or how would you feel) when people crack jokes about your seizures? How does your partner feel? 

I don’t mind if it’s in good fun. Me and my wife joke about it all the time. Her on the other hand… if someone else joked about my Epilepsy and she heard about it she’d get mad probably… although she wouldn’t admit how angry she’d get.  

How has your partner supported your Epilepsy?

She’s done EVERYTHING for me. Countless emergency room visits, gone to get my meds refilled, taken me to the doctors, making sure I am eating the right food... Or making sure I'm staying away from things like caffeine, and always supporting me. She nearly told off one of my college professors for making numerous wise cracks about my seizures.

Do you ever wish that you didn’t have Epilepsy? Why? 

 Of course I do. I would love to be able to drive, play laser tag, drink coke, not take 13 pills a day, and of course not have to be concerned with having to stop in the middle of my Sunday morning sermon because I feel a seizure coming on. BUT those thoughts are RARE. I love what my life is like. Epilepsy has been more of a blessing than a burden!

If you were given the magical powers to get rid of your Epilepsy, would you? Why or why not? 

No, not anymore. I have it for a reason and it has given me a very challenging but GREAT life. Do I want to find a cure though? YES!!!!

What would you say that the biggest struggle is with being married when you have Epilepsy?

Once again, just stepping up and being the man that God wants me to be for wife. And the thought of possibly not having kids.

What would you say is the coolest thing about having Epilepsy and being married to someone who doesn’t have Epilepsy? 

It shows how strong my wife is first off. To be able to handle all this makes her a strong woman for sure and our relationship overall is rock solid. We have been through very hard times and they only make us stronger.

If you could give advice to other couples like yourself, what would that advice be? 

Look past at the things you CAN’T do as a person with epilepsy and focus on the things you CAN do. Your spouse will love you no matter what… that’s probably why they married you. Always use it to your advantage. Try your best to not let it get the best of you, but accept that it WILL every once in a while, but as a married couple you can conquer ANYTHING together. 

Click here to read part two, by Stephanie!