Dating... with Epilepsy: Mandy & Rafael - Part Two

Mandy's painting "Vital Organs," depicting Rafael's love and support through her struggle with Epilepsy.

 

By: Rafael Mogollan    

 Introduce you and your loved one. 

 Hi everyone! My name is Rafael A. Mogollan. I am your typical high school senior and I am involved in a lot of different things. I guess you could say my two passions throughout school have been football, and discus throwing for the track team. I am a very athletic person. Just to name a few other things I do… I am a cadet officer in the AFJROTC corps. at school, an Eagle Scout with 6 palms and a Vigil Honor Member in the Boy Scouts of America, a National Honor Society student, and the founder and president of the “Future Leaders of America Club” at school. On the side I am a dishwasher at a local mom and pop restaurant on my side of town.

My goal in life is to one day receive an appointment to the Air Force Academy and serve my country to the best of my ability. I don't really know what inspired me to join the military, but I think God put me on this earth to do something - I guess something inspiring and influential to others - so I can make a difference in the world. Anyway, I know I am probably giving my resume to you all right now, so let me just tell you a little bit about Mandy and I.

We met in quite an interesting way. Mandy accidentally added me on Facebook thinking that I was someone else and I thought “Ok no big deal.” Then one day she put a joke on her status. So I left a comment on the status, and from there it took off! The funny thing about our relationship is that we always have fun no matter what. Many people think we are weird because we can be complete opposites sometimes. We are always competing to out do one another at a lot of things, which we both find absolutely hilarious. Even though we want to do very different things in life, she always supports me... Even if it is not easy for her, and I try and do the same.

Part of the actual Facebook conversation that started it all...

 How long have you and Mandy been together?

Mandy and I have been together for a little over a year now, and although we have had some bumpy times in our relationship , we still love each other very much. We only get to see each other once a week, twice if we are lucky, but every time I see her it is always very exciting and we always seem to laugh at the little dorky things we fell in love over. 

When did Mandy tell you that she had Epilepsy, and how did you react?

About a week after we had been talking, I asked her why I never see her at school. At that time I had just learned she was doing a homebound program. She only came into school sometimes for art class. Mandy told me she was on homebound because she had Epilepsy. I was honestly not very taken aback by this news because I had never dated a girl with Epilepsy before and I didn't think it could be that bad. Not that it’s a bad thing, anyway.

It definitely was a bit of a change at first. Sometimes she had to take a long break from the computer or hang up from our phone calls just to take a breather for a bit. But overall, I was actually okay with it. We always had something new or funny to talk about when we got back on the phone again. 

Did your thoughts about Mandy having Epilepsy change over time?

My thoughts about her Epilepsy have changed a little bit. I realize that there are some things we can't do, but it actually gives us time to go out and try new things and look for other things that we can try. I do realize that Mandy, at any time, can have a seizure. So we have to adjust a little, which is pretty cool because nothing ever goes according to planned. We are then forced to improvise, but it’s always in a pretty funny way and things sometimes turn out better than expected. We still have a great time, and even just watching TV or going for a walk means a lot to both of us since our time together is short.

Have you ever seen Mandy have any sort of seizure?

I have honestly only seen Mandy have one seizure that I was actually aware she was having, and it was not very big. At least it didn’t seem too big to me. I remember getting Mandy her medicine and giving it to her, and then I had to help her to the couch where she passed out on my chest. She laid there for the rest of that night, and I was just sitting there making sure she was okay as I watched a little bit of TV to just kind of calm myself down.

Mandy has had tons of seizures in front of me that I won’t know about until after she tells me. She’ll usually have one and become confused for a few seconds. We both end up laughing about it, and as bad as it seems, we seem to cope with it by laughter and joking at what just happened.

Does your loved one’s Epilepsy ever make you worry? 

Whenever I am away from Mandy, her Epilepsy does worry me a lot. I can never know how big or how severe her seizures can get, and from some of the stories I have heard, it is very scary thinking that at any moment she can hurt herself. Worse, she can have a seizure when no one is around to help her get her medicine. I know that she sometimes feels like I don't care, but I really, truly do.

The hardest part is being able to know when she is going to have a seizure or if she is having one that is giving her problems and I can’t tell. I have never actually been around someone with Epilepsy except for Mandy, so I am kind of learning the symptoms as we go along. I try to learn them by what I see when Mandy says she is going to have a seizure or says she just had one.

What are your dislikes about the effects Epilepsy has on your loved one?

The only thing I would have to say I dislike is the toll it can take on Mandy's mind and body. It is hard to watch her trying to do something nice, like cook dinner for us when I am over. I’ll see her and I’ll really want to take over… But she is persistent, mainly because my cooking sucks, and she just wants to do it while she can.

Both Mandy’s Epilepsy and her medication affect her mood sometimes and it can seriously catch me off guard. When just 10 minutes prior to coming over to her house, she sounds really excited to see me from what I can tell on the phone. But as soon as I arrive, her mood is completely different. She’ll seem upset or bothered by nothing at all. Other than that I can't really complain because I have no idea what she goes through sometimes.

Mandy's homemade Octopus cake for Rafael's 18th birthday. I stayed up all night making it! (Not a great idea, health-wise)

  Has anyone ever discriminated you for dating someone with Epilepsy?

  No I have never had that happen.

  What would you do if someone discriminated Mandy or made fun of her in front of you?

If it did happen I guess I would have to use all this muscle I have been building to re-arrange someone's smile. Hahaha... I'm just messing around, but if anything I would probably shrug it off and just laugh at how ignorant and jealous they are about the relationship I have with Mandy. Honestly I would feel very shocked if someone made fun of Mandy, because nobody really has the right to put anyone down because of an illness. Not everyone is perfectly healthy and everyone should be treated equally.

What do you feel that you and your loved one have to do differently because they have Epilepsy?

The only time I feel that Mandy and I have to do things differently is when we are making plans to go out. Mandy can do a lot of the things I can do, but it has to be when she is feeling 100%.  A while back there was a concert at a bar that I wanted to see. It featured one of my favorite bands, Bowling for Soup, and I had an extra ticket. Of course, I asked Mandy if she wanted to go since we were both familiar with their music and had wanted to see them for years.

Unfortunately, Mandy did not feel all that well, so I said it was okay if she didn't want to go with me. Aside from me saying that, being her persistent self, Mandy decided to go with me. We ended up having to watch an opening band that played for over an hour. By the time Bowling for Soup came on stage, she was exhausted from the lights, noise, heat and smoke. She ended up literally passing out in my arms at the concert, and I just had to say “Let's go home”.

As much as I love Bowling for Soup, and as good as the concert was going, it wasn't worth seeing Mandy have seizures just so I could enjoy myself. It wasn't until that incident that I truly realized the serious effects that Epilepsy can have on Mandy. It’s safe to say that we are now much more careful with our planning.

Rafael and Mandy sharing another dance at her graduation party in July 2011.

  Do you think Mandy upset about having Epilepsy? If so, what makes her so upset?

I wouldn't say Mandy is necessarily upset about having Epilepsy. Sure, she has days where she hates her Epilepsy, but who wouldn't? If anything, I think she finds something unique about having Epilepsy even though it hinders a lot of what she can do. Her condition has inspired a lot of the amazing artwork that she has created. 

There are days where I kind of agree with her and wish she didn't have Epilepsy. This is mainly because I don't like to see her suffer and wish that we could go out and do something that we can't do due to her illness. But I see something unique about Mandy having Epilepsy, and I try my best to help her cope through hard times and push her. She should not let Epilepsy affect her daily life and create barriers. 

If you could give advice to other couples like yourselves, what would that advice be?

If there is any advice at all that I can give to other couples like Mandy and I, I would have to say just look past the Epilepsy. Just because things may not seem all that grand sometimes, you should love someone or be with someone because you have a great time with each other and can connect on different levels. Epilepsy, or any illness for that matter should not affect your love for one another.

If you are the one suffering from Epilepsy, just be honest about what your day might be going like that day so that the one you are dating can adjust to what is happening to you. If someone doesn't accept you for the honesty that you are trying to give them, they probably were not someone you should be sticking around with. The person who loves you is the one that is going to stick it out and try and make your day better as best as they can, even if it's hard. 

Even if you two can't really go out on nights when someone is just having a really tough day, find something you can do around the house like make them dinner, watch TV with them. Make fun of whatever you are watching, dance with them in the kitchen, or just talk... There is a wide variety of things you can do and you would be surprised at how much fun things can really turn out to be. 

I guess what I am trying to say is that you should never think a day spent together is wasted.

Rafael and Mandy posing for a picture before a night out eating gourmet pizza and walking in the park.