Let's Talk About Feelings.

There are so many feelings that accompany suffering from Epilepsy. Upon sharing my Thanksgiving with my family yesterday, and having the most seizures in one day than I've had in months, I realized something... (see end of post)

The first and worst feeling is jealousy. Seeing your younger sister drive before you do - and worse - having to get driven around by her. Looking at all the other "normal" people around you - being upset and wishing you were like them. You wouldn't have to worry about having seizures and you could do whatever you'd like to do whenever you'd like to do it. Wouldn't that be the life? Why are you the one that has to live like this? Why can't you be behind the wheel of that car? Don't you deserve to drive too?

The most haunting feeling is fear. Fear that you may have a seizure at any given time, in front of your friends, family, significant others... or even people you hardly know. Fear that your new medication wont work. Making the transition from one medicine to the other is always quite hard. Fear that the side effects from that medication will be harsh... Blisters, rashes, hair loss, weight gain - the list goes on and on.

After feeling jealous and fearful, you feel hopelessness and sadness.  Will you ever be like the other people you see around you? Will there ever be a day where you can walk out your door and not have to remember to bring your magnet for your VNS or emergency medication? Will there ever be a day when you don't have to explain to someone that you have "Epilepsy"? Will you always be on these awful AED's? Will the kids sitting behind you in class ever stop making fun of you or spreading rumors about you for the seizure you had last week?

These are all negative emotions. It is so very important that we push these emotions out and replace them with positive emotions and feelings like:

HOPE - Hope that tomorrow will be a better day, even if today was an awful one. Hope that someday you will find your cure. Hope that you wont always be on medication, or at least hope that you will only be on one medication. You should be hopeful that things will change, and that they will change for the better. Be hopeful about other things too. Hope that you will pass that test on Friday, or hope that you'll be successful and exceed in all the things you do. Have hope for your family, friends, coworkers, and whoever else needs it. Once you choose hope, anything is possible. Imagine all the possibilites.

HAPPINESS - When life pulls a fast one on us, we can immediately go from having the best day of our lives, to having an awful day. But why not turn the frown upside-down and pull a fast one on life? If crying is all that is going on around you, tell a funny joke. Turn on some happy music to cheer yourself up. Do something you love to take the sadness away. Sometimes it's others around us that make us sad. I find often that it's my family that say  things that make me feel worse about having Epilepsy. Sometimes you have to tune those others out, and remind yourself that there is hope. You are a normal human being, and you have just as good of a chance as anyone else in this world. Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.

LOVE - Sometimes in this life you will feel unloved, just like everyone else. EVERYONE goes through this, not just people with Epilepsy. How can you fix it? Be kind to yourself and LOVE yourself! Let go of the negative emotions and bring in these positive ones. Let yourself know that you are loved. Take care of your body, paint your nails, buy yourself something you really want, or take a hot bubble bath. It's also important to love others, even if they are the reason you are feeling unloved. Show love back, even to those that hurt you or made you feel sad. “I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” - Mother Theresa

CONTENTMENT - Be content! Stop wishing you were someone else, and start embracing who you are! Look at all the wonderful attributes you have. Are you a great musician, a top notch chef, or a wonderful artist? Maybe you are neither of the three, but that only means you are wonderful at something else. Find out what those great attributes are and show yourself that you are just as great as everyone else that you admire. Look at all these famous people with epilepsy! That should just go to show that you have the potential to be all that you can be, and Epilepsy has no right to hold you down. Just like my good friend Tiffany at TEN (The Epilepsy Network) likes to say:

"Don't let Epilepsy defeat you. Let it INSPIRE you!"

I realized that these negative feelings are what holds us back from getting better, and holds us back from healing emotionally and spiritually. I fell to the floor with seizures all day this Thanksgiving, and the negative feelings and emotions flooded what could have been a beautiful day. I had to stop and remind myself that the pain was only for the moment - things would change tomorrow. I laid down, filled my mind with positive thoughts, and took a nap. I woke up and had a beautiful evening with my significant other, and Thanksgiving was saved.

So as this year's Epilepsy Awareness Month comes to a close, keep this blog in mind and remember to replace those negative feelings and emotions with hopeful feelings and emotions. The key to happiness is not a cure (although, that's going to be great when we find it!), it is YOURSELF! That is what I realized.

- EpilepsyBlogger

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