Today I Just Want to Talk

Hello everybody,

It's been a while since I've had an actual blog conversation with you all, rather than an article on ways to help prevent seizures and whatnot. I'm in the mood for conversation, so here it is! Just some updates on how my life has been and what's going on with me.



This week it's been so hot here in Texas. Temperatures reaching 105 degrees during the day, and even 102 at night. Almost unbearable to go out, so I find myself staying in a lot. The heat really puts stress on my body, and definitely my seizures. It seems like I'm having more and more each day, and they are uncontrollable at the moment.

I was taken of Xanax (finally) and put on Klonopin to aid with the seizures and the panic attacks that my Felbatol and Trileptal have caused, but Klonopin doesn't seem to be working at all. I have been on it for a full month and it has basically failed me. Another one of those times when you have to keep trucking to find that "right" medication. Who knows what it will be next...

My art show is coming up soon and I couldn't be more nervous. Struggling to finish pieces that are half-done, spending money I don't really have on art supplies, and making art out of whatever I can find laying around. Thank God for my large supply of paint left over from old projects; Such a life saver.

I now have 10 paintings ready to take with me to the show, and only two of which are in a frame. It's a shame because I would love to look professional like the others who frame their art, but hopefully people can see my art for what it is without the frame. It's my first professional art exhibition so I'm not even sure if people frame their artwork or if it is mandatory to be a professional. Who knows!

I hope to at least bring in double of what I spent to make the art. 20% of my artwork proceeds is going to the Epilepsy Foundation, as I had mentioned a few blogs back, so I am trying to make as much as possible. I have even made smaller pieces of art for children that will be sold cheap and used as extra donations. I pray that I'm successful!

The Human Resources director at H-E-B Grocery Store, my old workplace, literally told me that if I couldn't handle being out in hot weather for an hour and lifting tons of heavy boxes then I "shouldn't even come back". And those were literally her words, no exaggeration. So I decided to quit and I am attempting to find work elsewhere.

So far people have been turned off by the fact that I have several seizures a day, can't be out in the sun for more than an hour and can't repeatedly lift heavy boxes. It's hard to find a job when you can't do those things. For now I have resorted to joining Mary Kay. My mother used to be a consultant and my aunt is currently one, so it's something I'm familiar with and very good at.

I've been to a lot of the parties and I practically know everything there is to know about the products. I'm excited to be a consultant and I really hope this takes off for me like it did for my mother and other people I know. I think it's a good job because it's something you can do from home, doesn't require a lot of hard labor, is easy to manage, and I can control my income. It's also something easy to do while I am going to school.

I'm also going to school at home because my parents and I don't feel that I can make it to campus all the time. If I have a Grand Mal I cannot afford to miss a class. I think online courses was a good choice to make and I'm already used to school at home so it isn't much of a change. I sometimes wish growing older wasn't so much of a hassle, though. I would love to be on a campus.

Other than that, my life is pretty normal. The seizures are back and hard to manage, but I have learned to deal. I see my handsome boyfriend a few times a week and the fact that I'm sick is really taking a toll on our relationship in the way that all I want to do is sleep when he's here. I end up falling asleep on his chest or making him massage my back/ hands/ head.

I think my worst side effects right now are aches and pains in my joints and bones, especially my hands, migraines, hair loss, irregular menstrual cycle, digestive problems and constant nausea. The seizures themselves are sometimes the least of my problems when you add up the side effects I'm dealing with.

Nonetheless, I'm staying strong. I want to stay strong for all of you. For my dedicated readers, for those who confide in me, for my family who depends on me, and for myself. I hope you have enjoyed my rant. Many of you said that you missed the way I wrote my personal blogs so I thought it was well overdue for me to write a rant!

God bless everyone,
Happy Sunday