I'm Tired of Epilepsy

I'm tired.

I'm tired of not being able to read since brain surgery.

I'm tired of working so hard to repair my brain from the surgery.

I'm tired of being the world's worst "Epilepsy Blogger" due to how little I can provide for fans.

I'm tired of feeling that I do nothing all day long.

I'm tired of my doctors constantly giving me medication.

I'm tired of thinking this, and then beating myself up because I know they're only trying to help.

I'm tired of the money my poor family has to pay to purchase my endless medications.

I'm tired of what these medications do to me.

I'm tired of wondering what they do to my kidney and liver.

I'm tired of wondering when I am going to die.

I am tired of wondering if it will be a seizure's fault.

I'm tired of falling apart without these medications.

I'm tired of gaining weight when I take these medications.

I'm tired of jogging daily, and never seeing a pound drop.

I'm tired of never feeling beautiful on these medications.

I'm tired of the endless list of side effects of these medications.

I'm tired of worrying about what these medications will do to the children I hopefully live to have.

I'm tired of thinking that I shouldn't even try to have children with all of these medications.

I'm tired of the thought of seizures taking over without these medications.

I'm tired of the thought that panic attacks will kill me without these medications.

I'm just... tired of epilepsy. I don't know how to do this anymore. I always wonder if I would be happier without my medications. I dream of how much healthier my body would be. I don't even know if I would really mind seizures anymore. I just want my life back.

Goodnight.

EpilepsyBlogger