Panic Attacks

Just had a Panic Attack this morning. My Psych, Dr. Velez, has been begging me to wake up earlier and earlier each day. No matter how early my bed time is, my body would automatically sleep until 3:00 PM. Lately I have been able to go to bed by 11:00 PM and wake up by 1:00 PM. Today I woke up at 8:45 AM and oddly didn't feel sleepy, even though I went to bed at 12:00 AM. But out of nowhere, the panic hit.

I had just finished baking my love's cookies for Valentine's Day and BOOM - my thoughts turned into worry.

"What if he doesn't like these?"

"What if the kids eat one?"

"What if you don't love Rafael one day?"

"Stop thinking this way, Mandy. Stop it now!"

And then my stomach started to burn. I knew my body would vomit or have diarrhea at one point or another. My hands and feet both became cold and sticky with sweat. I felt tight in my chest and dizziness. I started to become shaky with fear of what was happening.

Panic attacks have been hitting me since 8 months after brain surgery. Before that they were more simple anxiety attacks that weren't so terrible. But these... These are awful and out of nowhere. I lose a good 12 lbs. as they kill my appetite and give me an upset stomach that lasts days. 

Not what I wanted for this Valebtine's weekend. Lord, I will trade these for those seizures any time. Please take these away. I beg you. I really do...

I now lay shivering underneath this blanket, that was once annoying and too warm. But my hands and feet are still freezing. I suppose a warm bath may help. Maybe hot tea. Definitely not coffee. Coffee makes these worse and I was dumb enough to drink some this morning. This could be all my fault.

Dr. Velez put me on a new pill called Remeron. It's supposed to help these... But she said it takes time. Lord, help me be patient like I was after brain surgery.

Please send a prayer or two for those who suffer this way. I know many others like me and it hurts to feel this pain.

Sincerely,

EB