See You Soon

I said goodbye to my sweetie on the 14th of this month... And in only two weeks I have managed to come undone about a million times simply because I miss him so much. He's gone off to school 3 1/2 hours away, which isn't bad considering many distances are much longer. However, it feels like a billion miles because I can't see him anymore.

Our last three days together weren't how we had planned them to be at all. After taking my unexpected trip to Michigan, and a vacation a few weeks prior, it felt as if we had been cheated on time. The fact that our plans unravelled one by one, up until the time I hugged him goodbye, left both of us upset and wishing for more time together.

What's the worst to me is that I didn't get to share a slow dance with him at his going away party, or get to give him a real kiss him goodbye. My mind was too busy trying to tell my heart to beg my tear ducts not to cry in front of Rafael and his family. On top of his mum rushing him into the car to leave, it was too much for me and somehow I forgot to give him a real kiss. Instead, Rafael settled for a crappy kiss on the side of his mouth and the world's quickest hugs accompanied by "I love you". No other words, just I love you.

I knew inside that Rafael is a man and wanted to treat the whole night of goodbyes like a man would. No tears and no sadness. So I promised myself that I wouldnt cry the entire night. Definitely a challenge for such an emotional person like myself. For starters, I'm terrible with goodbyes. Secondly, I've been a cryer since the day I left my mother's womb, and haven't stopped since. I can find a reason to cry in even the funniest movie in the world - whether I want to cry or not... My heart doesn't care.

Somehow, by the grace of our good Lord, himself, I didn't cry. Even when he drove off into the night and left me alone at his own party... I didn't cry. I only cried when I got into my sister's car, closed the door, and put in my seatbelt. I guess I didn't want to say goodbye to the love of my life and have our last memory in his mind be depressing. However, when I cried in the car I couldn't seem to stop. The whole way home, as I walked in the front door, sitting at thr table, walking upstairs, in the shower, when I got out... I have never cried that way in my life! I felt unbelievably pathetic for that, too.

After I took a shower, my sister brought me a letter at the kitchen table that Rafael had asked her to give me when I got home. I completely forgot about it, but I had been excited to read it the whole night. However, as she carried the envelope to me I was scared to open it. So many fears that it may say something bad such as "I can't do this".

To my surprise, it was the longest, most heartfelt, and sweetest letter ever given to me by anyone in my entire life. I'd write it all out but it would take too long. He said he truly loved me and wanted to make things work. He said he would hold my hand through my brain surgery and anything else he could hold my hand through. He said he'd pray for my health and safety while he was away... Rafael said a lot of things. However, I think my favorite part was when Rafael said:

"This isn't a 'Goodbye'. This is a 'See you soon'."

When I read that, I actually smiled through all the tears. Because once again, Rafael managed to let me know that he is "for real". He reminded me that he'd be home again. Even if it isn't until Thanksgiving, or even if it isn't for a year next year when he goes to the Air Force Academy. It's all I have of him to hold on to right now, but it's more than enough because it is full of his love. That's all I need.

I'm putting it in a frame this weekend on my dresser so I don't ever lose it. Everytime I'm about to cry I find myself reading it and it stops the tears in their tracks. Amazing what a pen and paper can do when they're in the hands of someone who loves you...