A Love Like Frozen Peas

Tonight went a little different than I had planned. My amazing boyfriend, whom I absolutely adore, came over to spend some time with me. He will be leaving for college, 3 1/2 hours away, on August 15th. So I only have 17 more days to spend with him. Once he is gone, I wont be able to see him for months at a time. This is very stressful for me, and hard to think about. It's on my mind non-stop, because I love him so much. The thought of him being away for so long scares me.


I plan to drive up with my sister or father to see him for one or two days a month. Hopefully more if I have the time. He gets to come home for holidays and breaks, so all is not lost. This is just new and awfully scary for me. I'm sure it would be for anyone. But I'm proud of him. He's worked so hard to get into a good school and I know that this is going to be great for him. I'm happy for him and I will support him the whole way. After all, he supports me when times are tough.

We spent the night watching our favorite TV shows. (Caution, these aren't the best shows for anyone under 17 years old! But they are funny as can be, and we love a good laugh.) Workaholics, which we both love terribly, and Wilfred, a show that Rafael never gets tired of. I could say the opposite about Wilfred, personally, but what makes Rafael happy makes me happy too.

At that point, our night was going fantastic. Relaxing on the couch, cuddling, and laughing our butts off. Where did we go wrong? Well, we went wrong when we decided to play Dance Central 2. Dance Central 2 is a video game for the XBOX 360 Kinect. It requires you to watch the virtual dancers on the screen, and repeat their moves exactly for points. It contains colorful graphics and fast-beat music - not good for seizures, but we were living in the moment!

Don't worry, my seizure that you have been waiting for me to explain was not that bad. I had to hop out of one of our dance battles because I felt it coming. It was a less violent-looking seizure, but it was more violent on the inside. It gave me an awful headache, and knocked me out of reality for 5 minutes. I managed to do a good job at covering up the pain in order to have a good night with my darling.

How did he deal with it? Well, he ran to my side as I became dazed and confused and held me up. I remember feeling like I would fall, and he didn't let me. At the time, I was just thankful to have someone there holding me. But afterward, as I laid on his lap and he held frozen peas against my head... I suddenly realized something.

It isn't that I never knew he was sweet, and it isn't that he was a jerk to start with. Rafael has always been a sweet boy. A good head on his shoulders, loving, and caring. I just get surprised at his willingness to be with me, even through these nights. These nights when our fun comes to a huge STOP due to a seizure.

I think, "Rafael could have any girl he wants. He's handsome, he's in shape, he's smart, and I mean... Look at those muscles! He deserves a girlfriend who is fast-paced and can do anything and everything with him, without having to stop due to a seizure." And it makes me sad. I think about that a lot. But tonight he reminded me that there's so much more to love than being able to play video games, see movies, etc.

And I often ask him if my Epilepsy bothers him. You know what he says? "How could I stop loving you because of something little like Epilepsy? I love you for you. Just keep being you." And on nights like tonight, I don't even need to ask him. I just know how much he loves me by the way he sits there and takes care of his sick girlfriend with a smile on his face, thinking nothing of it.

So what did I realize?

I am so blessed to have him, and I am the happiest girl in the world, simply because he is mine. No matter the distance, no matter my health... Nothing can keep us from loving one another. Frozen peas seemed to help me understand that tonight, for the very first time.

We should all love selflessly. Whether it's sacrificing a night that could have been filled with fun dance moves to hold the one you love until the pain goes away, or smiling and making the best out of the little time you have left - even though you're scared, sad, and worried. We must have a "frozen pea love". (I'm still not eating them, though. I hate peas.)

And it's quite funny. When I apologized on the phone about how tonight went, do you know what Rafael said? All he said was "I'm just glad I got to take care of you."

I love you, Rafael, and God bless, my friends!
EpilepsyBlogger